Heal Me (Magnolia Series Book 2) Page 4

  I also know I love her more than life itself. Less than two weeks ago I was struggling to define what love was at all. I still may not be an expert, but I have learned some things. It hurts. Like a son of a bitch. Like a knife sliding right through you.

  Watching her live her grief all over again has been fucking gut-wrenching. The physical pain I’ve endured lately pales in comparison to the beating my heart has taken.

  I remember Mom crying on and off for days when Leia had her first heartbreak. I didn’t get it at the time, but I do now. There’s nothing worse than seeing someone you love being torn apart by pain. I’ve felt so fucking helpless.

  That phrase, ‘love will set you free’ is bullshit too, unless you define free as completely out of control and tied so tightly to another that everything they feel, you feel. My brain has all these ideas of how things should be, but my heart’s in the middle of a raging storm named Hurricane Ellie. Last week I had the most amazing night of my life, all because the woman I love, loved me back. Within minutes the tables had turned and I was left grasping for any thread she could give me.

  It feels like we’ve been walking on the thinnest ice, or balanced on a tightrope thousands of feet above the ground. To say I’ve been terrified of saying or doing anything that might tip us too far is an understatement.

  But still, I can’t help but sit in awe of her strength and even if I could be cut loose, I have no doubt I’d come crawling right back. I know once her storm has passed, the peace behind it will be worth everything.

  I’ve watched her fall apart for days, the waves of grief washing over her time and time again. But somehow, she always finds the courage to pick herself back up and each time she lasts a little bit longer. She’ll wipe the tears away, take a deep breath, then stand on shaky legs, moving forward despite the weight of the world on her shoulders. And she’s done it all on her own. I haven’t been able to slay this dragon or move the mountain for her. I’d give anything if I could, absolutely anything to save her from this, but I can’t and it’s the hardest pill I’ve ever had to swallow.

  The number of times I’ve mentally kicked myself for starting this avalanche is ridiculous too. Vicky assured me it was always coming, that it was just a matter of time before the ground fell out from under Ellie. She told me despite how bad it’s seemed that she’s so thankful it happened when it did. That Ellie had me to get her through it. That doesn’t ease my guilt at all though, because other than being here physically, I know I haven’t been able to do a damn thing to help her.

  All of that only makes me angrier with myself.

  Who am I to be whining and poor me-ing? No one, no one at all. What do I know of pain and heartache compared to her? Absolutely nothing.

  I know I need to hang on to the progress she’s made this week though. She can finally say his name without breaking down in sobs now, and while last night was the hardest, scariest thing I’ve ever done, pushing her to the brink seemed to do what Vicky said it would.

  Forcing her to fight her demons was like having my heart cut out with a rusty spoon though. I cried right along with her. I couldn’t have stopped the tears even if I’d tried.

  Quiet splashing reaches my ears through the cracked bathroom door causing my heart to falter and visions of her body twitching just before it all stops to flood my mind.

  Stop it, for fuck’s sake. She’s taking a bath just like she said she was. Quit being ridiculous.

  I force myself to relax, thinking of the good times we had last week – our talks, waking up to her smiling face, laughing together, making love. We’re going get back there. We are. It’ll be good again. I just have to be patient like I promised her.

  The bathroom door creaks as it swings open, making me jump. Then relief floods through me seeing her alive and well, rosy-cheeked and clean from her bath. I attempt to ignore how sexy she looks in her white panties and short t-shirt. I’m waiting for her to get in bed and mold herself to my side as she has every night lately. Instead she stops at my side of the bed and stares down at me intently as she pulls the covers back then climbs up and straddles me, her eyes never leaving mine. The sweet scent of her shampoo fills my nose, her wet hair leaving cold trails over my skin in sharp contrast to the warmth of her center pressed over my dick. She leans closer, her straining nipples brushing against my chest while her lips begin to leave soft kisses over my neck.

  I’m almost angry with myself, my reaction is so immediate. I want her. I’ll always want her, but…

  “Ellie, what’s going on?”

  “I need you,” she whispers in my ear, going right back to torturing my neck. And my dick.

  Slipping my hands into her hair, I push her back enough to see her face. She stares at me, her eyes full of need instead of the pain they’ve held so often lately. I still have to ask. “Are you sure? I don’t want to push you. You don’t have to do this for me.”

  “I’m doing it for us and you’re not pushing me. So, to answer your first question, yes, I’m sure. As sure as I was last week, maybe even more so. I need you. I need to put the pain back where it belongs and live again. Let me love you, let me show you how much…”

  When her voice cracks, I pull her to me and kiss away the silence, pouring everything I feel for her into it. Our emotions seem to explode between us, both desperate within moments – hands, lips, and mouths everywhere, hips grinding. Refusing to overwhelm her, I force myself to slow down and cherish her like she deserves.

  She pulls away, brows drawn with frustration. “Don’t be sweet and gentle. I can’t handle it. I need you to forget about this week, Nik. Go back to last Sunday. Pick up where we left off. Make me scream again,” she begs.

  How can I tell her no? I can’t, but God, I beg you, please don’t let this be a mistake.

  My prayer said and choice made, I intend to give her what she needs. Sliding my hands up her thighs and around her ass, I squeeze, pulling her towards my chest. “Scoot up for me.”

  “What?” she asks, completely confused.

  I let go of her with one hand and tap my lips with my finger. “Up here.”

  Her eyes go wide as saucers. “You’re not serious?” she sputters.

  “Very serious. I’m just being creative since I’m still at a disadvantage, remember?” I smile up at her, keeping it gentle and encouraging. I can almost see thoughts of the last time we got creative rolling through her mind. Her shock begins to fade, but she still isn’t convinced. “Come on, I want to taste you again. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. You want me to make you scream, right?”

  Her cheeks flame red and her eyes dart to the floor beside us. “I don’t know how,” she whispers.

  “That’s easy.” I say, still smiling. I tap her right foot. “Put it above my shoulder and brace on your left knee up here,” I instruct her, pointing to the spot beside my head. “I’ll handle the rest.”

  She swallows deeply, then licks her lips, leaving her bottom one trapped between her teeth, as she gingerly climbs up and over my head.

  I run my hands up her trembling legs, massaging them to help her nerves, placing soft kisses along the insides of them too. Knowing she might bolt any minute, I move my hands around to the front of her thighs and begin stroking her through her cotton panties with my thumbs. They’re already damp.

  I look up at her, hoping she’s watching, but she isn’t. Her mouth is open, soft pants leaving it, eyes closed and cheeks still rosy. “Ellie.”

  She jerks, eyes wide and staring straight at me now. “Why don’t you take your t-shirt off? I want to see all of you.”

  It takes her a second, but she snaps out of her uneasiness and pulls her shirt off, throwing it onto the floor.

  I let her see how much I want her as I take in her gorgeous body with my eyes and hands, reaching up and caressing her beautiful breasts. “You’re so damn gorgeous. I’m a lucky man.”

  She smiles down at me softly, one of the first I’ve seen in days. I feel like I just won the lottery. “I
’m pretty lucky too.”

  “I love you.”

  “I love you,” she whispers, taking my left hand in hers and kissing my knuckles. As soon as she lets me go I slide my hands down her smooth stomach, then slip a finger under her panties and pull them to the side. “Hold these for me,” I whisper against her warm lips. She squeaks and jerks again, but her trembling fingers reach down and hold the cotton out of the way. “You might want to hold onto the headboard with your other hand, too.”

  She does, and it puts her right where I need her. Not wasting another second, I grip her ass in both hands and dive in, slowly running my tongue between her luscious lips. She gasps and I moan, relishing in the taste of her.

  I want to devour her, but I keep control, knowing I can’t rush it if I want to do this right. And I do. By the time I’m done with her she won’t have a thought left in her head, only a body weak from pleasure.

  Keeping it slow, I drag my tongue up one side of her lips, then the other, over, and over, careful to avoid her clit. After a dozen or so passes, her hips begin to rock and her breathing gets quicker, letting me know it’s time to change things up. I use my thumbs next, rolling one over the other, stroking from her clit down, soft and slow. They slide easily over her skin, gathering her juices with each pass.

  Quiet moans begin to reach my ears as her hips roll in perfect rhythm with my thumbs. Time for something new. I spread her open, swirling around her entrance, once, twice, three times, before slipping inside her. Using my hands to rock her against me, I fuck her with my tongue.

  Her hand is suddenly gripping my hair. “Oh, God. Nikky? What…?” she pants, unable to get her words out.

  I faltered for a second. No one but Mom has ever called me that and she stopped after I begged her to at ten years old. I never dreamed I’d hear it again, let alone how sexy it sounded breathed out from the lips of the woman I love. I shake myself and get back to work.

  When I ease my grip, her hips keep the pace I set, grinding her over my face. It makes me hard as a fucking rock.

  Grabbing her before she goes too far, I seal my lips over her clit and proceed to torture it with my tongue as I slide two fingers into her. Her whole body shudders above me, her walls clenching. It only takes a few seconds and she shatters, screaming my name just like she wanted.

  I let her ride it out, easing up on my attention until she sits back onto my chest on trembling legs. I only give her a minute to rest, rubbing my hands over the warm, damp skin of her legs, stomach, and breasts, then get her moving again. I don’t want her to have time to think about anything else.

  “You’re not nearly done yet.” I tug at my shorts. “Help me get these off.”

  She smiles down at me dreamily, then climbs off the bed and pulls my shorts and boxers off. My dick’s so hard it’s painful. I reach down and stroke myself as I watch her finally rid herself of her panties, her eyes glued to my hand the whole time.

  “Do you like watching me, Ellie?”

  “Yes,” she breathes out, stepping closer.

  “Next time we can watch each other, but right now I need you. Get up here.”

  She takes her time, being very careful, and straddles me, her hands braced on either side of my head. Mine go straight to her breasts, my fingers pinching and pulling her nipples. She doesn’t waste any time at all, immediately rubbing herself over my aching dick. She’s so wet and swollen, with one tilt of our hips I slide home, pulling a groan from me and a whimper from her.

  Fuck me, she feels so damn good.

  I force myself to stay still and let her adjust, but it’s a difficult task. I swear I can feel her velvet walls still fluttering with aftershocks. Finally, she begins to move over me in long, slow strokes that make my eyes want to roll back in my head. They do the second she rocks her hips forward, squeezing me from base to tip.

  I want to tell her how amazing she feels, but the rest of my body seems to have lost all function. Having her again has been in the back of my mind all week no matter how much I tried to banish it. Now that I’ve got her, everything else fades away.

  It takes her a minute or two to find a rhythm, but once she does… I swear she’s trying to suck my dick off. Pulling her a little closer, I cup her perfect breasts in my hands and suck one straining nipple into my mouth while pinching the other. She shudders and gasps, riding me harder. I have to force a stream of dead puppies through my mind to keep from coming. She’s going to get at least one more before I’m finished, but then she sits up and starts rolling her hips. As I open my eyes and watch her riding me, it takes every ounce of control I have not to explode. I know I think it a hundred times a day, but damn she’s gorgeous.

  “Mmmm, Nik, you feel so good,” she pants.

  “So, do you, beautiful,” I grunt back, grabbing her hip with my right hand and helping her grind over me. “Pinch your nipples for me while I rub your clit. I’m not going last long, I want to see you come this time.” Using my thumb I find her sensitive little nub, then rub it in slow, tight circles.

  Her head falls back and she starts to rock harder, running her hands up to her breasts. I watch, mesmerized, as she caresses and squeezes them, then starts pinching and pulling at her nipples with her fingers. So fucking sexy. I can feel her walls beginning to flutter again.

  “That’s it, beautiful. Make that pussy cum for me,” I pant as she works me harder.

  My words spur her hips to rock even faster and she starts to whimper and jerk with every forward stroke. My dick swells impossibly harder. I press her clit and beg her to fall with me. “Fuck, Ellie. I’m gonna come. Come with me, Ellie. Come.”

  She screams out my name and convulses over and around me, as I grunt and groan beneath her, my hips thrusting up as I fill her sweet pussy.

  She slumps over onto my chest, panting hard, while I melt into the bed, doing the same. There isn’t much more satisfying than having her spent and boneless on top of me, her ragged breath blowing in puffs across my sweaty skin. Her little noises are music to my ears, music that settles something deep inside of my soul.

  She hums against my neck before placing a few kisses to it, then slowly peels herself off of me, gifting me with a sweet smile. “Are you okay?”

  I nod. “Will you ever quit worrying about me?” I ask, teasing her ribs lightly.

  “No,” she whispers. “Do you want me too?”

  “No, I like it,” I admit without shame.

  “That’s what I thought,” she smirks.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah,” she whispers, kissing my chest.

  I push her up enough I can look into her eyes to be sure. She reaches up and cups my cheek, her thumb rubbing over my cheekbone. “I’m okay, Nikky. I promise.”

  Lovesong

  Ellie

  He peppers kisses over my face and neck while his hand runs over every inch of skin he can reach. I catch his lips when they get close enough to mine again, kissing him with every ounce of gratitude I have. Once I catch my breath, I get up and run to the bathroom to clean up, bringing back a washcloth for him. I snuggle into his chest as soon as I lay down, avoiding his eyes, my after orgasm euphoria is ebbing quickly.

  Push it down, push it down. Find something else to focus on.

  “It’s embarrassing how easy you pull that out of me,” I mumble into his warm skin. I probably should’ve picked something else, but…

  “No more embarrassing than you doing the same to me. No one has ever made me come as fast as you do. At least not since I was eighteen anyway. Or twenty,” he groans.

  I crane my head back look up at him. “You didn’t lose your virginity till eighteen?” I ask, thoroughly surprised.

  He shakes his head, throwing the washcloth across the hall where it lands on the bathroom floor.

  “I’m shocked, Mr. Sex God,” I tease him, tickling his ribs. “And what was going on at twenty?”

  He sighs, covering his face with his hand. I can’t tell if he’s embarrassed or upset. I reach over and
rub his stomach. “Hey, never mind, I don’t have to know.”

  He doesn’t respond one way or the other so I decide to distract him. He deserves a few dozen orgasms after the week we’ve had. I get on my hands and knees and carefully straddle his lean hips, pressing my wet center over his length again and slowly glide myself forward and back.

  That gets a much different kind of groan out of him and one from me too. He’s still half hard and feels so good I have no doubt I could come just rubbing against him.

  “Fuck, I love how hot and wet you get for me but can you wait just a minute?” he asks, strained.

  I freeze. “Are you okay? I didn’t hurt you, did I?” I don’t see how I could have but I worry nonetheless.

  His eyes pop open and he reaches up to cup my face. “I’m fine, you didn’t hurt me, far from it. I just need to talk to you a minute and I can’t put two words together with the way you’re scrambling my brain,” he says with a small smirk.

  I huff with a smile. “Okay, but I told you I don’t have to know, sweetie. You don’t have to talk about it,” I tell him, moving to lay back down, but he stops me.

  “No. Stay. Lay on me.” He pulls me down onto his chest. “You were amazing about my past the other night, but I need you to know why. I want you to understand where my head was at,” he says, his voice soft.

  I look at him, stretching up to kiss his chin. “Okay, I’m listening,” I whisper, before laying back down.

  He’s quiet for a minute, just running his hands over my back and through my hair. I give him time, just enjoying being held.

  “I’ll have to see if Cash has any pictures of me to prove it to you, but I was one ugly fucker in high school,” he says, his chest rumbling under my ear.

  I pop up, scowling at him. “Nik! You were not!” I vehemently defend his younger self.

  He shakes me and the whole bed too when laughs at me. “I’m sure teenage me would love you for defending him, but since you never saw him I’m not so sure you would say that if you had. I was ugly, Ellie. Believe me.”

  I huff and lay back down. “I don’t believe you. There’s no way anyone as gorgeous as you could have ever been ugly.”